warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Indigestion *tears* Pizza! Pizza has now arrived to our house..I hear squeals of delight from housemates. Should make a squeal of delight emanate from me..but I'm feeling a bit shite. Eating a pack of jelly beans will, not only combine with the pizza I'm about to eat to make me chubbier, but it will serve to not drop solid gold happiness on my still slightly chubby lap. I'm dreading going to London in 3 days. Terrified, can feel it in my belly. Got rough comments from head of Voice at school. well confusing being told at times that I am subtle and small and could do more to be more expressive and interesting to You Show Too Much and Articulate Too Much In An Attempt to Over-explain. Fuck What drives me up the wall is that certain people can make self-deprecating jokes about being shit or having miles to go at school before they are decent actors etc... but if I do it that I'm being negative. if I get non positive feedback surely I can agree with it and see and admit my failings. Other people fucking do it and its fine. if I am the ONLY person out of the whole year doing the circus skills day who CANNOT juggle with balls by the end of the day then surely I'm crap at something everyone else can do and that means something. I just WISH I could express my true opinions without people telling me that the way I am is WRONG. Nevermind, at least I'm not a brain-washed smiley clone. Hard to know whether the real me is dead-pan, sarcastic, insecure and cynical or hopeful, youthful, innocent and creative...Never know how I should act to survive, to be happy and to get people to like me and want to be close to me. That above paragraph, accidently sums up EXACTLY the reason for 99% of all my woes and misery. WOW. (Drinking hot water and blackcurrant hi-juice at present I might add, so I did not come to that revelation under the influence of a sweet Pinot Grigot)
When I used to feel sad/angry/depressed I found that the only song (to be played over and over again)to help me out of it was Tears dry on their own by Amy Winehouse. Weird that. The sound of it, the melody always perked me up... I'm sad the first year is running out. Excited that were doing The Cherry Orchard first and me some stuff from either Cat on a Hot tin roof, A Street car named Desire, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, The Crucible...juicy. 9:03 p.m. - 2012-07-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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