warmlove's Diaryland
Diary
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I'm not trying to say that everybody wants to go
*Thou shalt be whipped with wire and stewed in brine,Smarting in ling�ring pickle!*
(Want to play Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra..add that to the dream part list...and Tituba from The Crucible of course...Anyway..I had the most gorgeous weekend a few weekends back (and the others after were very fun-filled also)
It was boiling, tropical hot, not a cloud in the bright blue sky..I was due to be stood in The Trafford centre spraying Coty's finest fragrances..but, fate intervened and they cancelled my shift. The plan was made with a few of us from school/ house to drive to the beach!!! There are many beaches on the outskirts of Liverpool..who knew?! Friday night. A tumultous night out with a few fallouts, not involving me but I tried to be the understanding Big sister,between hard dancing and...A BOUNCY CASTLE!!! YES ! A bouncy castle in Chicagos on King Street..me, Monika and non-19 year old were bouncing around on it, dodging the couples indulging in 'heavy petting' in pools of broken shot glasses and black sambuca...stumbled home at about 4am, sun peeping, with Mon..had some prawn toast left over from tea...heaven. Woke up on Sat..mild hangover...got a text asking if i was still available for work..by this point the gorgeous summers sun was getting high in the sky and I ha put my bikini on under my most beachy-summery clothes..so...the answer was an unresounding "NO"....To the Beach! It was the most beautiful beach I'd been to for a loong time, if ever..you go through pine woods, before the path down through sand dunes to a long white sandy beach where the blue sea stretches out as far as the eye can see. Okay, we did spend an hour looking for Kate and Adam, presumably having the proverbial sex (on. the), and I succumed to Monika's often very flawed logic that we had simply walked past them and turning back to the wrong part of the beach, when we clearly hadn't gone far enough to the more abandoned part where they said they were....eventually, meeting up with the others we settled in the more populated part of the beach (people watching being an extra benefit of this versus the tranquility of the abandoned beach part) and the water, to swim in the water was HEAVEN! Iwent a bit crazy! I feel so happy in places like that...so serene yet energized, like your on top of a mountain. Monika was taking lots of photos and I sneakily looked thru them on my camera and deleted all shots of me in a bikini where I wasn't stood up incredibly straight or at least sucking in. Then, because it was the day before Alex girls birthday and she was having a family party BBQ at her mums house which happened to be close..we were invited round to that. It was one of those great times when you see someone relaxed with their family in a perfect house..gorgeous, landscaped garden, really friendly, welcoming family and you feel like..Yes, life is good, this is the best of families, dogs, smiles, food and wine....they made such a fuss for her birthday (21st). Her Mum proudly showing her pictures from childhood. It wasn't necessarily that I felt -'I'll have this for me one day..' (because I don't have an urge to have my own children..foster kids maybe)or it reminded me of my family..it was kind of, and Alexs mum reminded me of Dad's sister, like the life I would have if we had grown-up close to Dad's side of the family. Strange. And I felt like a family with my Drama school 'family' us all being there for this day trip then driving hope together at the end of a sandy, exciting, wonderful day. i've never felt LESS alone...of course, I don't need to spell out the one thing missing but..there's always a teeny scratch on the gloss of perfection. All this dancey contact stuff were doing at school at the moment is great but its tough when you are surrounded by 99% slim, to skinny, small girls to feel comfortable to give them your weight, it really pulls you out sometimes when you want, more than anything to just get lost in it because it is very fun and creatively satisfying...I just feel heavy, clumsy, with wide thighs and boobs that get in the way...it seems so much for free and simple to have those little bodies!! Hey, ho, I feel like I'm improving with strength and fitness and all that stuff, pretty flexible for a flabby girl!
Only 4 weeks left until we have finished the first year! Shit! It has floooown by, and I don't want it to end. 2 year is when your break-down happens I hear and you realize that you are a TERRIBLE actor! haha..I'm halfway there..
x
8:59 p.m. - 2012-06-15
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