warmlove's Diaryland
Diary
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Broke in the sun
*a rose is still a rose/ baby girl you're just a flower* Thank fuck Summer is here. Spring sprung all beautiful and warm like and when that happens my brain just goes all happy and gooey and I realize..FUCK-IT..I'm gonna just do what I want to do, what's going to make me happy...who gives a shit, I can do anything I want it's summer, magical summertime!I'm sure I have that seasonal affective disorder... That's why I've bought my Bestival ticket even though I so can't afford it (it's gonna be such a random bunches of people I'm going with hopefully I'll be in a tent straddling all their individual campsites and it doesn't get too awkward), bought tickets to finally go see my hero Ryan, (no NOT BRYAN, Sophie) Adams (squeeeeeeeee!!!) agreed to Pav's French birthday road-trip and Sparkles Spanish dance festival mini-holiday thing. I've given in my notice in Rotherhithe house!!! Partly because I've spent all my rent money on drama school auditions (Manchester Recall! Thank fuck! I thought I'd fucked it up completely when I found myself making-up words in my Shakespeare. Phew!But I need to prepare better. I have to be as good as , no, better than that burly guy from Belfast that was shit hot or the black guy in Birmingham last year but y'know still me and a girl). I just have to hope that they accept me to be a waiting property guardian (c'mon Hampstead mansion..they're always getting squatted in..they need someone like me!) then Bob's me Uncle and I can start an insane Gypsy-esque lifestyle hopefully culminating with 3 years at The Manchester school of Theatre learning how to be shit hot and amazing then join a touring theatre company and take some bizarre show around The UK and Asia!!! Life Sorted. My landlord had started to grate on me also..one Friday I came home from work to an empty house, being too broke to go out and working the next morning, I sat in front of the TV and drank some rose wine. Landlord arrives home at about 11pm with some random possibly Chinese woman who seemed quite fresh to this country (!!) He introduces her to me, she does an odd ultra-polite headnod thing to me and says Hi very smiley-like. Landlord looks down at me sat on the sofa poof and says, in the most distainful, judgemental way; "Oh, drinking alone are we?"
"Oh, and paying for exotic middle-aged sex are we?"..should have been my response if I had a quicker brain and lived in a sitcom or something. Dick. Or if my/a unimaginably hot guy had then, on cue walked in from the kitchen with more wine (and his top off revealing a marble statue-like physique) and said he recognized Landlord from the documentary he produced on porn magazine adddicts in South London! The way he subtly seems to look me up and down whenever I come in a room makes me feel a little queasy. When I told my Granma about this she was confused that he didn't have a wife 'Him gay?' and why he chose all these young (pretty, we're all pretty cute in a United Colours of Benetton ad way)girls to fill his house with and tries to get in our business! she said that it wasn't right and: 'If him try anyTING you HIT HIM! YOU KICK HIM GOOD an' HARD between the legs then you come stay with me!' HaHa, so sweet, she's got his number.
Lucky Andrew and Anna, he called me the other day and was telling me all about this far east trip they're embarking on...Soph (probably) and Heather definately are both moving down to London. Very funny, just as I'm trying with all my might to get out of London. It will be great to see them more often (in theory though boyfriends can be so annoying if you don't get on with them), them moving here would have been better a few years ago...I can't imagine them meeting my friends up here and us becoming like a group again..that would be amazing but it feels that so much time has past and we have changed, circumstances are different. They have the guy that they are moving to London with. If I had someone to move with i feel like I could go anywhere. I hate that want I want want to do I more or less have to do in London. Everyone seems to be getting coupled up properly now...if I find out that Lynsey has got a serious boyfriend I will kill her, not that we can ever co-ordinate seeing each other anyway but she's always the one like me..no-one serious to settle down with and get chubby from eating man-sized portions with..though a couple of people seem to have broken up with there long-term people so I guess its just a bit of a conveyor belt..the annoying thing is these newly single people seem to meet new people so damn easy and quick I guess cos they've still got that attractive relationship person stamp, kinda a subconscious scent that draws guys who want to settle down to them! Even a friend who is entrenched in the world's most intense year at a prestigious drama school has managed to grab herself a new boyfriend...see Sophie! Actors are always getting into relationships despite their overwhelming desires to act! It is not a trade: familiar sex swapped for failed auditions... There must be a science in it somewhere, maybe that gross 'Escentric molecule' stuff would mock that for me?
7:48 p.m. - 2011-03-27
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