warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2008 was bloody great. And a bit crap *I'd roll out of bed/throw on any old clothes/and drink beer with the boys* 2009 is here! How fabulous!Woo hoo! 2008, though, What a year, WHAT. A. YEAR!Let me have a wee look back at the lovely past 12 months.. It was the best of years, it was the blorst of years. erm..Worst even.. January was a horrible month. Frenchie died. We were there when it happened. At least we were there, I think. I had got to know him and spent more time with him than I had done with a lot of my family up to that point (something that will change..life should '! be full of loved-ones, Having good times with the important people in your life. Christmas Day with me Granma, 2 Aunties and 2 cousins was SO much fun, such a laugh!)so I have to be thankful for that. I started the year working on a big TV show with the inevitability of settling into a job that I had zero love for, but had never had the courage to try and do what it is that I wanted more than anything since I could remember. I ended the year back working in the kinda place (mind-numbing Shop Work!) I struggled to escape from for 3 years..But it was great because I was starting to go off and try and be brave and not scared of failing anymore and prepared to never give up and not be put off by the inevitable mountains of rejection and struggle! It WILL be worth it! (I'm an IDIOT!) So the ole terrifying Drama School applying and auditioning in ON. Quite possible that I'll get in nowhere this year and I did make a tit out myself when I showed my pieces to Henry..its cringeworthy to think back on but he does it for a job and I haven't done a play for 5 years (gulp! I am INSANE to think I can do this) Oh, and in further development to the contents of the ever-expanding folder to be marked 'Things I did that made me look like a COMPLETE tit!', this year I kinda lost caring or bothering to be coy or game-play in the 'Romance' department. I was just like: 'Fuck it! If I like him I like, him I'll tell him, whats to lose!!!'. So I enjoyed several variations on the 'thanks, but no thanks' and admittedly my 'just tell them' approach was offer 'tell their best friend', 'send an unbearable awful half-drunken text with the word (JUDGE ME NOT!) 'crush' in it! Uggghghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, yeh, or 'tell Heather' (and have her be zero help, when she probably knew fully, how not interested he was in me but thought she'd entertain herself and just let me make a minor fool out of myself. Good 'girlfriends' secretly ask, then tell you so that need not happen! But perhaps I expect too highly of 'girlfriends'! ugh hate that word. Anyhoo! No time for embarrassment at any minor cases of rejection, (Drama School anyone?) though I do have those awful cringe-flashbacks sometimes!!!!!! The spooky weirdness of bumping into a certain 'most gorgeous man in the world' out in Shoreditch and shamelessly confessing my little liking of him, years ago! (I was out at the time with the 'HardFi' guy and I was in the process of convincing myself to like. The spookiness is that I'd thought about bumping into him that evening and at the EXACT second I thought: 'He's alright you know, I can talk myself into fancying this 'HardFi'' and we got up to go back to my house I stood up, turned and was looking right at 'gorgeous man'! So of course seeing 'gorgeous man', distracted me from that task to no end! Just remembering the weird connection I felt and he, i assume feigned and played along with for his thespian-ly-tinged-amusement! Having 'gorgeous man' give me a massive hug and go on about how he'd talked about me to so many people since (SUCH a LINE...again, that's actors for you, TRUST THEM NOT!). I should have not even bothered to try and meet up with 'gorgeous man' but I kinda saw bumping into him maybe as a sign....He can't compare to 'Fire-twiddler'..Though I'm not allowed to think about him anymore in 2009! (If you want to get Sesame Street about it, I can say that I learnt the hard-way how to deal with the disappointment after the big build-up that is (no violins, I say this with no 'woe is me'-ness!)a big part of the ole life of me!And, erm, everyone else too!Life is great innit! Actually in the last few months of 2008 I have, inexplicably felt a million times more happy and bubbly and optimistic than I have done in ages!
Met some lovely new London-flavoured people this year. All my different little groups of friends have kinda all started to meet and get on which is lovely. And as Andrew would say, though I coined the phrase I believe, the Friend-poaching has begun. Just as long as it doesn't get all in-bred 2009..I have no big resolutions (Yes, yes and I know if resolutions need to be made it should be for me to stop being so boring and repetitive and slightly naive and sentimental on the subject of anything romance/bloke/ related. I am SORRY..) or massive new plans! Though I have a Hawaii plan. I have always wanted to visit one of the Islands and I NEED an great, adventurous trip away from home desperately! Rejuvenate me old aching soul! Despite my extreme poverty and disgustingly paid 'job' I shall save up for 9 months and get on a plane, hopefully with Kenny, decked in pink flowers by my side! 5:55 p.m. - 2009-01-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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