warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I feel so, so, so upset and disappointed #'cos you can't fool all the people all of the time# Oh, this is so funny. If funny means depressing, disappointing and...smelly. My life is now in the EXACT same place it was this time a year ago. I am now working at The Mill,the bar/pub/dancehall/foodery accross the road from Wetherspoons where I worked for 7 slightly shitty months a year ago. I am serving the EXACT same people the EXACT same drinks as I was a year ago: The grubby looking dude who may or may not work in construction?: 2 vodka redbulls and a pint of numbers, darlin' Nikki who I used to work with?: blue juice (WKD) please! And, despite spending a week for Working Title, trying with all my might to write a great script report for a script of a film that'll star Catherine Zeta Jones AND travelling all the way to London to hand it into their office on Oxford Street I didn't make it to the next stage - interview round one. I am soooooo disappointed, I even (stupidly and pointlessly) got all teary eyed..that was my one shot to get my absolute dream job and I fucked it up when I was so close...I wonder what I could have done differently? I would have loved it so much and made sooo much of that opportunity. I just wish I had at least got an interview so I could at least speak for myself and explain how I would work awesomly with them and be enthusiastic it a completely genuine way because that is how I feel... I'm still excited now imagining how cool it would have been if I'd made it!!!! I know its part luck getting a place but they chose the best in the country (I got narrowed down from over 1,200 people to the 2nd stage at least)and if I'd been better and not blown it like I always seem to do then I would be trotting off to London on Friday for the interview. I could so cry and be miserable about it but that wont get me anywhere but puffy eye-land. I'm now stuck working 6 days a week in a bar (a bit of comedy in that I must say)...most of my friends dont really know that I got 'kicked out' of London and now have a lovely 'Job fer Life at Salisbury's top free dance venue!...I havent mentioned it. And..because I've made myself promise I will go out with anyone who asks me out (only not including drooling over 50's who scare me, and perhaps that is being a bit picky)...I'm gonna have to meet up with some guy who was drinking at work and who was 'interrogating-ish' me with his mates about why I didn't own a boyfriend. Honest comment: I didn't find him attractive (probably cos his style isn't what I like: diamond earring and clothes that some snooty people might describe as Chavvy) but he wasn't repulsive looking and he seems like a fun Scouser ( I like the scouse accent and the brummie accent and the Geordie one is cute too.) Oh, and I have really grown as a person I reccon because I discovered a guy I really liked a little while back (embarrasingly it WAS courtesy of the Myspace because I was curious as to what he was up to these days! Nah, I cant rationlise it without seeming stalker-ish...I did KNOW the dude however briefly)has a girlfriend who looks like a gorgeous (slightly less tacky-looking) glamour model - or a very gel-filled wonderbra and instead of being pissed off like a crazy stalker or something...I just though a) my boobs are quite possibly bigger/better than hers (mee-oww, but I say it with love and honesty)and b) aw, I'ts sweet that he's with someone who seems like a fun, cute girly person...He must be really happy...bless. That. My Friends. Is growth. But wouldn't it be great to go out with someone for once who I fancied and had some kind of real chemistry (that I felt)with? And no, I dont only (a la JD in Scrubs..God that shows great, I didn't realise how bloody funny it is constantly!!) WANT WHAT I CANT HAVE. Perhaps the fates should allow me to have what I want but cant have?? That made sense to me...I still feel a wee bit hopeless and am currently looking for Club Rep jobs in hopfully some tacky, creepy Spanish resort full of 18-30's with itchiest form of chlammidia or..erm Egypt. Oh, well I've still got 'Glitch' in June (unless they push it back again the fuckers) and it looks like I'll definately make it to Edinburgh this summer... 3:08 p.m. - 2007-04-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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