warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Itch *Girl you sweeter than mango/How we cool and confident/With hair like Django* Had a lovely Saturday night meal for Mum's 60th Birthday. At a lovely family Italian restaurant in Battersea. It was great, so many family there and friends and Camise and Allegra came! It was quite overwhelming trying to co-ordinate people, and making sure all the extra guests who turned up got a seat, and then later deflecting Junes slightly passive-aggressive comments about me not being in London for Christmas (I don't think I've ever spent Christmas Day in London since I was a toddler!) Mum had a great time, she looked pretty emotional and I can see she's a weeny bit unstable but she did look happy, and seemed to be enjoying the positive attention. Jess brought a huge bouquet of balloons and looked really great, really healthy. Was so sweet when my Granma squeezed my hand across the table for ages, I wish I'd got to sit with her. She looked proud that we were having such nice, family time despite Vick and Abs being a bit socially awkward. (Well, Vicky was so full of anger because Mum scattered Dad's ashes in The New Forest without her being there or helping to choose the place.....that came out later when we'd got back to Mum's flat she's renting from June until she maybe chooses to buy in London maybe). Saw Granma the next day at her house, was a lovely few hours, her laid in bed, then getting up to help us microwave some good, I was reunited with Kitty and then.....I have always wanted a friend to do this with me....I met Cornish Andrew at Euston and we got the train up to Manchester together. Had a mini party on the train..posh! He bought a bottle of Prosecco and we drank it out plastic cups in leftover party hats from Mum's party! Was so lovely, I still find, as its always been, with him, no matter how much time has past we still settle into the same friendship. Though I didn't realise that we've only seen each other 4 times in the past 5 years! So, the kissing happened and other stuff after that, it felt very natural and SO bizarre to have never even almost kissed him or anything over ELEVEN YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP. Had a lovely next day, I brought it up what happened and we talked about it and could laugh about it...I think I felt less weird about it than him (but I suppose I'm used to being single and getting with people out of the blue). I was strange though, him just keeping intimate eye contact with me and looking at my face intently - I found that freaky wondering what he was thinking. He was so clear about worrying that this would now destroy our friendship. Which I do value but its been a far away one over the past few years. But I have a hunch, because he's heard all my stories about guys sleeping with me then being cold or disappearing or me running away, that he has been talking to me way more via text than before since it happened. But maybe its making it clear that we're still friends. He said that he's glad it happened, doesn't regret it, neither do I. But I do wonder if he finds me attractive, I can't imagine he does but the fact that we kissed when he left, rather than drawing a line under it as 'never again' but maybe it;s me enjoying kissing and feeling rejected if someone kisses me one day, and then doesn't want to the next. 1:33 a.m. - 2017-12-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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