warmlove's Diaryland Diary

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I don't know what to do, I know how to feel but I knew when Mum left me that message, the tone of her voice upbeat but sad (and what she didn't say) that she was going to say that they found some cancer in the tests they did on him.

Thank goodness they both have experience in medicine and cancer because they pushed for more tests when they revealed nothing and didn't accept being fobbed-off.

I think of people who have had cancer and had it caught early and treated - like Kylie Minogue, she's the only one I can think of.

They say it's just specks and they haven't found them anywhere else, hopefully that's a good sign and it's been caught extra, extra early.
I think of Sheila and Frenchie and Bevon. They should all be with us today. I wish they were. Please, please, please, please please, please, please, please, please, please let him be okay. Let him have the treatment and recover. That is all I want. I don't care about anything else. I want him back to being there when I arrive at the house, coming to greet us at the kitchen door, grey t-shirt, navy adidas trackies. Glass of red wine on the table, white dog at his ankles.
I will go home from Wigan next Saturday night til Monday evening, I wanted to go back anyway.
'Rachel getting Married' is on in the background, sat in living room with ELka, she's being studious and doing school work, I'm dipping in and out. Beautiful film, the Dad in it reminds me of Dad- offering food, really chilled-out liberal, soft type.

Please, please, please, please, please let him be okay. He can't die like that, please, please, please, please please...I don't know what to say, What can I do?? My 2 friends that went through this, how did they do it? It's too painful to think about. I'm hoping for the very best, I reall, really, really am.

9:36 p.m. - 2013-03-28

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