warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEVER SATISFIED *I wanna scream and shout and let it out/tear off my left arm and wave it all about/the blood goes on and on and on and on* A not-bad, pretty lovely, un-stressful or depressing New Year has just been had by . Though sat at home in the totally empty Wigan mini-mansion I feel a bit lonely and restless. Could have gone for a drink with this guy who works next door whose always in my pub who I've had round my house a couple of times (everyone in this weeny Queen Vic (but with Wigan accents) has been whispering, whispering about how were having all this sex in conjunction with each other which, at present has not occurred!). But I couldn't be bothered. I get on okay with him, sometimes I find him attractive! He's not the easiest person to talk to. Better than nothing, eh? He's moving to London in 2 months anyway so if I did really like him (miracles can happen) then he wouldn't be around for long. Its nice to hear someone say that they find you attractive. I just want to have some sex. Is that too much to ask? (That is my new years resolution alongside being the most confident actor in the world!!! Useful, eh?) He was in �1.50 Pizza last night with his friend and there were 4 of my friends with me munching away at their pizzas..they all watched as I chatted to him and his friend..I had mentioned about this guy from next door - Alex of course spun it and everyone assumed that it was some amazing love affair - but none of them asked if he was the guy..maybe they expected a different looking guy because they would envision me with someone else! I didn't introduce them all, maybe scared of them going "wow, we don't think he's good looking" or maybe it me. I want to be totally nervous and excited about someone, and I'm not massively with him. Though I was very flattered that he asked for my number and that a guy from Wigan would find someone who looks like me attractive. It has stuck with me what Jacky and Ben have said in the past. IM NOT UGLY! I AM NOT UNATTRACTIVE my rationale screams but I just feel so deprived of anything to boost my ego! (Yes, yes! Cry me a river i hear you cry!) "Once you feel love is possible, then anything is possible" As the poor, beautiful single woman says on that dating sight! though she might not fair well in ole Wigan if Ben has his way! Christmas was okay...had some nice moments but they kinda got overshadowed by a feeling of gloom and arguments, sitting around on sofas, feeeling like I have no life or personality to call my own. I feel like talking to my Dad now is so much work to maintain his interest...I just feel like he doesn't care and then I feel guilty for not being more interesting or energetic. Contrary to most of the grey-cloud typing above, I'm feeling pretty happy as a whole. A bit emotional and frustrated but happy to go back to school in less than a week, I feel like next term will be make of break for me, I just dont want to WASTE anymore time about worrying if im good and what other people think of them. WASTE O' TIME. Fake it til you make it Remmel-style. 10:49 p.m. - 2013-01-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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