warmlove's Diaryland Diary

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HairRAGE

*'Cause when my back is turned/My bruises shine/Our broken fairytale/
So hard to hide*

Had a lovely action-packed end of last week and start of this one. The kind I have to half-blag due to my new-found broke-tude (ah, how I missed you mistress of poverty!) Thursday I went to Panto with Lynsey who is now on her glorious month long Christmas-New Year trip to Guatamala (lucky Scottish SLAG)..was 'Beauty and The Beast' at the National..and a very lack-lustre production at that. The highlight was me realising I could have done just a good job as the woman playing Beauty and seeing some very enthusiastic 8 year olds bop around and almost Hip-hop free style when they played that Ellie Goulding song 'Starry eyed' in the interval! Sooooo cute! Then Mature man text me saying that he was on Oxford Street and was I? I kinda was nearby and thought I might as well meet up with him..Lynsey, said that I should and she agreed strongly with me about the weirdness and awkwardness of guys making what we consider to be casual incidences all romantical and tender when we'd rather something more erm visceral and intense!I love Lynsey, it's such a shame I don't see her very much...though it is very one-sided..She invites me to her things, I go..I hang out with her and her friends but she never comes alone to anything I arrange with my other friends. Anyway had drinks with MM, he seemed quite tipsy but that was partly his personality alongside 3 pints and no food. I got the last tube back all dignified-like! Go me. The next day I met up with Tash and we went to this strange Christmas night that her friend and her group of kinda Christian-Hippy-Arty-lesbian girls were hosting. Lovely homemade food and really cheap drinks. I really like Tash, but man can she talk on one subject for ever and ever and ever!!!!! I'm just very erratic and non-commonsensical in comparison. Joe from In the Loop film a couple of years ago was there...very strange, he knew Tashs friend and in turn one of Matt's best mates..He was a lovely guy..(nice hugs) but what happened with us was a bit strange and we stayed in vague contact but hadn't seen him since the weird screening where a few of us got pissed in the middle of the afternoon and went for Soho Chinese. Anyhoo, Saturday Rosie came round and we had a big, fat Chinese in my brand new spanking house. So lovely. So lovely to have a living room where you cant hear the A13, smell damp nor view a bleak landscape comprising of empty Strongbow can valley and polystyrene kebab box mountain. Sunday was marvellous 'Winter Wonderland' night! I finished work and then went and met Matt, Tash, Hickin and Andy and Mr. John who I interestingly enough, hadn't seen for 9 months. Apparently he'd talked to Tash about me coming and that despite him thinking I was a 'lovely' or 'amazing' girl, seeing me would be like a 'ghost from the past'. That cracked me up and I couldn't believe that someone like him (yeh he's a nice-ish guy, funny etc) actually thinking about it in that way. When you get together with a guy a couple of times and he doesn't make any effort to just say 'hey, how's it going?' after you know it's nothing. So I thought..okay i do find him attractive, and he still seems single maybe something will happen..(meaning what happened before..Nothing serious..I know he's not looking for a thing, a relationship). In the end there was some minor flirting and me suggesting that he stay in London that night at Steve's (AKA I'll be there). he said that he could stay..His friends had already gone to get the train home and left him. I wondered off cos I'd lost my coat and next i knew we were leaving I saw him walking ahead of me...for some reason I started walking faster and overtook him, thinking he's see me and catch-up with me. But I see him catch-up with his friends and they headed off to get their train. I felt like the BIGGEST loser, the fact that I had almost stood there waiting for him and he'd decided to bugger off. When I said to Steve and Andy that I was really annoyed that he'd gone home they were all like, telling me I should have been more forward and said what I wanted, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is as a girl it should never be me chasing if he wanted me then he would have/should have made a move. I could be some crazy over-sexed, desperate lunatic but I don't think that is a good look. Be it one night stand or potential boyfriend. Why should I chase, like I'm begging for him to come home with me and if he does I should be grateful? Hell NO, I'm special enough for them to be bloody pleased to have me in their house!!
Later that night drunk Andy confessed how he really liked me and when he invited me to the theatre last Autumn on a 'date' he was heartbroken when I invited my sister along. It's a bit twisted (Andy said) that John always goes for the girls that he really likes..what kind of friend does that?
Sigh...MM seems to have gone a bit AWOL too..probably cos I come across a little cold he is a lovely guy and fun to hang out with but I'm not feeling being all huggy kissy with him, it wouldn't feel right.

Apparently Gucci head-office phoned my agency and specially requested that my hair be always in a NEAT bun or French plait. WANKERS. The area manager os constantly on me about my hair. The rule is that your hair has to be off your face. I have noticed on many counters that girls with caucassian hair have it flopping into their faces be it a fringe or a fly-away tendril. No comments are made to them. One day I curled my hair (with a clip in hair extension thing that matches my hair colour and texture perfectly)and did a side-parting. No hair was in my face and I was told to clip it back of my face in this sever Hedi way. My hair texture is thick and not lank so it keeps its shape sometimes..not STICKING OUT like they keep saying it does. Why should my type of hair be laughed up and considered 'un-tidy' when it looks fine! It makes me sooo fucking angry that I am the only one subjected to it why is european hair considered fine and normal and mine thought of as wild and needing to be scraped back to contain it. Fuck that. It takes me back to that time at Primary school where everyone found it hilarious that my hair could stand on end by itself so my friend dared me to comb it all up like a troll and sit at my desk normally waiting for the teacher to come in. The teacher arrived, got ridiculously angry and screamed at me to go sort my hair out. I swear I cried in the girls loo after that, trying to comb my hair down with my fingers. Thus the HairRAGE! Meh, I'm over it. I should really make a stand by not wearing any clip-in hair, stopping texturizing it and going 100% natural.[Insert various cop-out reasons why I won't be doing that for a good while]
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9:19 p.m. - 2010-12-18

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