warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Camise's Advice #doo bee doo# Ah, Camise, my lovely, gorgeous friend Camise..WHY do I listen to your optimistic, flattering pep-talks!? After me KNOWING that if a bloke-shaped person is not contacting you to arrange meeting, drinking, rapping or frollicking together then he DONT WANNA. I've known this for a long time now (I even knew it when I was 17...but optimistic (Read: Delusional fools), similarly lovely and gorgeous friends convinced me otherwise). Anyway, so I texted Irish boy oh-so casual saying me and friends were gonna be seeing dodgy bands on Brick Lane..he should come too..he said he was seeing mates bu that hed try to reschedule. Then come Friday my friends said they weren't coming out to brick lane anymore..Irish text me asking where we were gonna be..so I was in trouble because these friends I was with had become, all of a sudden oh-so ficticious.A not so gorgeous friend and housemate suggested that just me and him go to Brick lane..my instinct was ..oh, god..thats weird me and a guy friend meeting this guy I fancy .. AWKWARD and weird. I felt I needed a big drink so me and housemate went down the local pub, drank, boy text to see if I wanted to meet for a drink on Brick Lane..as I had more drinks in me I was all, like yeh, fuck it..I'll go down there with drunk Steve, lifes to short (Steve was all..c'mon..do you want to fuck him, lets go' (cringe)and offered to supply me with contraceptives (erm, Insulting for him to assume I wouldnt have any..insulting for 1. my common-sense/intelligence and 2. him presuming incorrectly or correctly I have a recent lack of 'getting-lucky'(cringe again)). Anyway..we were waiting for the 25 bus and idiot housemate decides to jokingly hitch a lift to Whitechaple..he steps out into the road to flag down what turns out to be (though I can see this cos I have good eyes)... a police van! The idiot. The coppers should have bollocked him way more than they did. Anyway, Irish texts me to appologize, but hes bumped into the friends he was supposed to be meeting and they have so all sit down for a catch up (true or not, its irrelevant really). So I decide that I am not schlepping up there to play Grandmother's Footsteps on a guy who has just stood-me up after I committed the CARDINAL SIN of texting HIM and pseudo aking HIM out. We head back to the crack-den, grabbing some booze on the way, partly because Brie has been on the phone and her and Eliza are coming back with 10 of their mates for an impromptu Aussie-Colombian-English house invasion. Whilst in the convenience store we end up dragged into some semi-drunken banter with this man and woman. We walked back home, thinking nothing of it..settle down to numb the pain of reality with more booze..then the man..a scrawny Blonde guy with a Louis Theroux profile starts tapping on the window. 'Steve..mate..Steve..DONT let them in..DONT!!!' was my one forceful request. What does he do? He bounds towards the door like a bow-legged Labrador and opens the front door wide, wide, WIDE to these coked-up strangers. To be fair, as soon as he'd let them in I thought that it would be mildly entertaing to chat to these youngish local people..and they promptly handed around cold cans of Stella. So I greeted them warmly. After about ten minutes these two..the woman was a pretty half-Spanish, half-Brazilian who seems quite sweet..were in the midst of a disturbing, intimate lovers tiff. It was really twisted..they had been 'together' for 5 years but the guy didnt want to call her his girlfriend because he'd made the kind of plan that only a wealthy, delusional about his level of charm and sex appeal, thirty-something British male could make: He will not to get married until he's fifty years old and until then he would attend debauched sex parties in Listed buildings and continue to treat this beautiful woman who loved him like shit. But the thing is, all their arguing and the weird tension between them felt like foreplay. Shuuuudeeer. She apparently once pushed him down a set of stairs in the throes of one of these passionate debates. The guy was just a sleaze-ball..he kept dropping in tid bits about going to a sex party with some girl who would be dressed up as a Japanese school girl and how he recently had sex with his housemate. This all really hurt the Spanzilian girls feelings and she started crying. Anyway, sooner or later the odd odd- couple were gone and all the Aussies and Latvians and Colombians etc descended and much Lambrini was quaffed and house trashed. At one point in the night I had three people pointing and jeering at me to do a line of coke that I simply DID NOT WANT TO DO. Some idiot was going 'dont worry, dont worry it wont make you different'. For Fucks sake!!! A. You dont know me. B. I have taken cocaine before and C. Why can you not understand that someone might not want a line for areason other than the fact that they'd never taken drugs before and were worried that they'd lose control. Anyway..rant over. I said to Steve that I wont do cocaine anymore because I saw a documentary that was really shocking about how that drug fucks up the rainforest and fucks over many people in some South American countries. Steve had a laughing and 'Hahah! You act like you do it all the time! Hahaha!' How would HE fucking know! Twat. Sorry little things annoy me at the moment. Anyway, back to me weekend of getting stood up three times by the same guy, who I asked out in the first place! He text later on Friday saying sorry for being such a flake and that He had 'way too many people in different places to see that night. what amess' (ah, yes, a lovely eloquent brush-off) but that maybe we'd have a drink after some thing he had late Saturday night or if not Sunday. Debate at work this morning where, basically I was saying to my managers (Right-wingish, ignorant Irish one and lovely Tina ..both pregnant, and with other kids)that I thought it was too simple and wrong to just label people like the boys who murdered Jamie Bulger as 'evil'. Ciara literally implied that I didn't have sympathy..she said 'When your a Mother then you'll understand how strongly you feel that nothing bad ever happens to your child.'That is such an insulting thing to say. Yes, murder is horrific, to rip a family apart and take a life IS an evil act, terrible beyond comprehension. BUT humanity, I believe, no matter how small a shred of it exists in all people. Some people suffer from mebtal illness which can be an explanation for their terrible actions..an explanation, not an excuse. So just labelling someone 'evil' or 'a monster' etc...as headlines of certain newspapers are more than happy to proclaim as they grab for readers over the integrity of trying to tell a story that is not black and white. I just think that they were boys who did a terrible thing and we dont want to think why they did it...you can't just blame bad parents or mental illness. Maybe part of it is a fear of your own child doing something terrible..I remember, back in '93 when it happened my Mum being really upset and concerned that two kids not much older than me had committed this crime. Anyway..I think with someone like Ciara everything is black and white and you can't have a layered debate with her. And of course I think if you kill someone you should be put in prison for life (I dont know enough about clinical psychology or the legal system to have an intelligent debate with anyone about this, anyway..I can just go on my opinions and feelings.) To say that I don't understand how terrible it is to kill a toddler is stupid and it's the kind of terrible, awful thing everyone prays they never experience so arguing about it over yesterday's copy of The Sun is distateful, irrelevant and meaningless. 11:24 p.m. - 2010-03-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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