warmlove's Diaryland
Diary
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NO Blue January
*your touch intensifies/and I'm in the quicksand*
In the end, what did it was a play about a bunch of Croydon lads, rose wine with my mate, the fantabulous Sparkles, jogging home through INCREDIBLE thick, settling snow-fall, a mediocre speech from a play by (potential, pretentious Toff?)Ella Hickson. Strange what knocks you out of your January blues. I knew come December 31st that every single year withOUT fail I get intense, pathetic, semi-unexplainable New Year blues. I spent the best part of 5.30am-6.30am January 31st in massive floods of tears! I'm sure I cried at about the same time, but pm on January 2nd 2009! Theres something about when the reality of the new year hits that makes me blubber like a big, fat baby! I understand now why New Years 2004 or 2005 Sophie was in floods of tears as I hugged her. At the time I had no idea why she'd chosen that moment to let it all out, but now I kinda get it. I was sobbing away at the Moorgate tube platform and (very touchingly) a stranger sat next to me who was also cradling the head of his drunk girlfriend, reached out and reassuringly squeezed my arm. It was so sweet of him, looking back on it. Thankyou stranger, in some small way it helped that he silently understood (?) why I was crying pathetically, alone on a NYE morning!
I had, had a fairly good night of drinking and merriment thus far that night ..in Angel at a house gathering with Kat, her boyfriend and his friends..But I was gonna go to this thing after in Clapham...which, as I learned after contained 2 previous men of note, one of which is newly single..Okayyyy..so some part of me was sad and pissed off cos my New Years and surrounding weeks had had no scandal or debauchery (a New Year kiss is never a bad thing..even in a world that is NOT a sitcom or fairytale! Hoho Relaxed Rapunzel with your weakened Afro-Euro-Carribean treatmented hair that not even a mouse Prince could scurry-up).Though maybe its good I did'nt up there..I woulda ended up waking-up suuuuupreeemely hungover with my underwear elsewhere, still mourning the commencement of a brand new year and decade with that same feeling of doom, gloom and intoxicated after-effects!
The reality was I got home, cried some more, passed-out, woke-up semi-very hungover, pulled-myself together and got myself over to Granmas' where she game me a gorgeous hang-over cure of rice and peas, chicken and some homemade wine-brandy concoction and a randomly themed chat. Ah, I love her...she's fantastic. Then I met up with Pav..who I hadn't seen in the flesh for 6 months!!! Yeh, six months!! He brought (outoftheblue) this girl he'd been seeing. I'd never seen him with a girl. When he'd say odd drunken or jokey things in the past 5 would occasionally think...'ah, please don't tell me you're interested in me..that's too much complication..I like you as my mate Pav, as you've been for the past 2 and a half years!! The way it should be!' But I am not a massive egomaniac so that was a vague passing thought in the mechanicalcbread-pudding that is my mind. Anyway she was LOVELY! And we all ate olives, drunk over-priced Italian red wine and got on like a toasty split-level bungalow in a bloody South Kensington Bistro restaurant joint of all places!
And then meeting up with Sparkles at a ickle pub theatre in Little Venice, near Warwick Avenue (iced over canals..beautifullll)..I just feel like I'm over most of them January blues....Ive got so much acting, drama school speech shit to get sorted I don't have any time for any self-indulgent bull-shit..I've just gotta be strong and get fucking on with it.....
12:31 a.m. - 2010-01-06
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