warmlove's Diaryland Diary

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*Don't let the bells end*

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My Dark Day:

�0 pennies in my pocket or bank account. The week before Christmas..my Favourite time..The time where you should do all your Christmas meet-up and Christmas-flavoured food and drinkage with everyone..that (admittedly ridiculous) notion of "We HAVE TO meet-up /get wasted/boogie/dance/prance/bathe in mulled wine before CHRISTMAS!! Like The world will swallowed us all up and we'll never see each others' shiny, smiling faces ever again.
So there's me firstly pretending I can afford to go out and enjoy this excitement..then the harsh reality sets in when my bank cuts me off and I realise I have to walk to work and scrounge pennies from bottoms of old hadbags and sofas to get a quid for a tin of spagetti and sausages and some wholewheat shell pasta to last half a week.
There I was FREEZING, red raw hands clasping my bag of pasta-related provisions, as I walked up bloody Westferry Road. Its only about 50 minutes walk but it was a little miserable..I felt very alone. I'd realised that day that I didn't even get an interview for that Box Office Assistant job that would have been PERFECT! Almost �16K..a whole �50 extra a week..In Deptford at a great community-linked Theatre/Arts/Dance/Media Venue place. My fault completely cos I spent most of my money the week before but life in London's not that fun if you only go out once a month and I'd never see any of my friends. I guess I've know for a year now that it's just not enough in London to live off �200 a week..It seems to be choosing between a proper food shop each week, travel or going out. Would be cool to be able to indulge in all 3....

Fuck it, though. it didn't get me down for too long. I was strangely inspired by Nathan telling a story about a Christmas about 15 years ago when he had just decided to make this huge career change to being an actor. He was living in London, homeless and (obviously) penniless because this benefit/dole money hadn't come through so him and his mate had to search for discarded cigarette butts outside Victoria station. But he had to do it cos he was so determined that this is what he was gonna do. i don't even have to suffer anything like that..I have a roof over my head, food and a job. But seriously, I'm so gonna take this acting thing serious..really put myself out there..be brave and get an agent, really fucking focus cos I know I can do it. I've been way to complacent up to now...
I'm off home for Christmas on Wednesday!!!!Payday then so I can hop on dee train, 99p shop for the triplets gifts..hoho Drinks with the Soph and Heather in the Fordingbridge, Kenny and Karen Christmas Eve, which I loooove...hopefully finus Christmas day hangoverness..lotsa Christmas water..Ooo, and going to Winterwonderland tommorow!!! Yeeeeeeeyyyyyy for the cleared housing Benefit cheque!! And my darling, wonderful Sparkles is back in London on Monday so we will find a way to be reunited and guzzle wine and good times! Yay soooo excited, you know, genuinely. Not post-doomandgloom-rant fake excited!!! I will have my glorious run-up to Christmas day...And family-time WILL be special even if it's just the 15 minutes before i want to smack my sister's heads together for being miserable, volatile little hobbits!! (But only sometimes)
x

8:22 p.m. - 2009-12-19

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