warmlove's Diaryland Diary

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25. Good Age. Same Mistakes

#Fill up my cup/Drink!/Mozolotov/ Lahyme!/Look at her dancing/Move it move it!/just take it... off #

MY BRAIN IS NOT IRREPARRABLY DAMAGED!!! Wooo! If anybody was concerned that my life-destroying fear, paranoia and teeth grinding would ruin the rest of my life...I felt 'normal' 5 days later! Yay! Drugs are bad! (The come-down of many for me anyway) You live and learn. Much like kissing men/man with girlfriends/girlfriend. Guilt Shudder. (Maybe more on that later)
MY 25TH BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!! Well, unfortunately I had a sneaking suspicious there would be a good few lunchers for various (ranging in their validity!) at the last minute...But some of my most favouretest people were there and after I accepted that I shall never have all my friends under one roof ever..maybe the closest I will get is my Wedding but as I'm 25 and INCREDIBLY single.Still the nuptials themselves look more unlikely! Anyhoo we went to a cooool place with ace music and a just-as-ace light-up dance floor and I had fun bopping about! The night ended (as the yoof 'dem say very 'randomly') with Lyndsey, Steve, Matt's friend John and his friend Nick's house. The most swanky, posh flat in the history of Shoreditch let me tell you. Well...you know how you might fancy someone when you first met them, assuming that they didnt have a girlfriend. Then find out they have a girlfriend and not fancy them in an active way after that because their taken. Meet their lovely girlfriend a couple of times...2 years later have them get a little touchy feely on a sofa and erm kiss them a bit? Lord! I feel so evil..though it threw me because it felt weirdly comfortable and intimate and usually when its drunken..whoops! Its not like that. Anyway...ALL irrelevant I have no right to be in intimate circumstances with anyone's boyfriend. Full Stop.

So, I'm 25, single, making less money than I did when I was 20, sometimes struggling to keep up the confidence in my abilities to really 'put myself out there' as an actor..
although I did a fantastic photo shoot with that guy I used to like who turned out to have, yes, broken-up with his old girlfriend! But had, just 3 months earlier, got together with the current 'love of his life'! Hehhe, some of us canNOT catch a break! Anyway..Photoshoot was INCREDIBLE..the most enjoyable day of 'work' ever!
It was this macabre, gothic, nighmarish story of a twisted woman (me). We shot in this creepy, worn-down abandoned hospital..
The first shot was Mike was chained to a big leather chair and me (with full-on sunken eyes, bright red lips and a menaging lil face!)stood above him with a big pipe taped into his mouth attached to a funnel, pouring a big vat of 'elephant lard' down it.
The second shot I had smeared make-up crack whore style and power-socket Hallow'een hair and was wearing a blood soaked apron and some heels...big ole butcher's knife in my hand! The photos should look fantastic I hope..and it was cool to be doing something like acting for once...

Just gotta proper knuckle down and get my speeches fucking nailed and get UCAS in before Jan....Priorities. And only kissing SINGLE men/blokes.

9:54 p.m. - 2009-11-24

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