warmlove's Diaryland Diary

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Just say \"NO\"!

*You're twisting my melon man*

Apparently, the hot, new legal ting in the world of drug-taking thrill-seekers in Plant Food. You order teeny sachet on-line for the ridiculous price of �60 and dissolve it into a glass of coke..Well, having just arrived home from work on the Friday at the nice, sprightly hour of 3.30pm I had high hopes of havin' a nice cuppa, putting my lounge-wear on and learning my Shakespeare monologue and having a cleaning spree. You know, a very debauchery-filled weekend.I WISH. Steve's mate who works on a boat came round to visit him (he was on shore leave..this is the guy who Steve spent Valentine's day with, they were both wearing tight(ish) white t-shirts, Steve has brought home, on more than one occasion, stranger blokes..hmmm, those Gay rumours really do write themselves! hahah.) anyway, there sober catch-up chat was not very sparky...they didnt seem to have much to say to each other. then the beers were cracked open and he offered us some of this plant food powder stuff. But not before looking it up on google to find out exactly what it was..chemical symbols, symptoms of use etc...
Anyhoo, I thought 'why not give it a try'? Might be a bit of fun, whats the worse that could happen? Also, the few pills and powders I have tried in the past have never affected me loads... Boy, was I wrong! After about 15 minutes everything started to look grey and hazy and my ears kinda popped like they do on an aeroplane..Then I literally thought i was gonna die! A wave of panic swept over me. My hands felt really dry and floaty. My knees felt like they had loadsa air in them. I heard Steve's mate ask if I was alright and Steve says 'She doesn't normally do pills' or 'she doesnt do pills' and I remember feeling annoyed at that cos I didnt want to be seen as it being my first time to try and keep up with the big kids..or that I should have done them more regularly cos im 24 years old and live in London. But those guys were really good with me..they calmed me down, distracted me by asking questions and reassured me that everything was okay. Thank God or else I dont know what I would have done. On this plant stuff you seem to think all your thoughts at once and are very aware of everything around you. All the crazy mannequin heads, old photos, birds, cuddlies, butterflies, random reels of film, fluffy pink things etc in my room became fascinating. I whipped out my old photo album, and very much like a boring aunty described every moment or memory associated with it and the people in it to poor Steve and Joe. Thought the funny thing was, it made me still aware and hyper-concious of that fact that I was being boring, and acting a bit odd. So I'd be listening to conversations they were having and thinking what i wanted to say but not thinking quick enough to say itand also feeling that it was a stupid thing, not worthy of saying cos theyd think I was stupid or not funny. I can see how people can become drug addicts though..I felt like I was in a safe,warm haze where i was aware of everything and what I was like as a person, or how others see me but I just told myself that Ididn't care about the things that usually bother me..like people thinking I am boring and not funny in social situations! I felt like me times 20...over-thinking every single little thing. Not good and I know and I definately would rather be stone-cold sober and feeling normal emotions.
What made it worse was that I had to get a 2pm coach to Cardiff the next day for Sophs 25th bday. And I could NOT sleep for love nor money. Ihad so much enery..so i finished making my insane secret santa tombola box..which, erm, yes does look like a crackhead Salvador Dali made it (I can see how 'artists'/'creative wanker types' can feel they need some kinda substance to be creative), ..and went on a cleaning spree. Yes! At least one of my weekend aims achieved! Sophs party was was fun...Heather came!! It was soooo great to see her! Have missed her looads.. Nice to dance with her and Soph like old times (the evil plant drink has not dimminished my extreme corniness, clearly!)We went to a drag queen bar and when I was dancing next to a wall one of the drag queens gushed to me about how great I was and that I could take over this place and show them a thing or two!!! Arrrrrgh!!! Do I look like a short man!!!?? Hehe!I did send a text to a boy I like who may or may not be interested in me and who may or may not still have a girlfriend saying, and i quote 'Wow! Massive welsh transvestites straddling me in Cardiff!Is that normal?' A funny, jokey text-conversation-starter, no? Well text silence speaks one thousand phonecalls!

But the next morning i felt really wired and paranoid. NOt good, at one point I got scared that I'd never feel normal in the ole brainbox again. Sure I'll be fine. If not, maybe it'll improve my acting ability. Hahaaha! I just feel like I need a good cry!!! But I cant. Oh, yuck. It's my 25th birthday in 2 weeks so hopefully this is just an early quarter-life crisis!!!! Erm..next diary entry to feature me not feeling scared and possessing the (un-wanted) energy of a Duracell bunny..

7:12 p.m. - 2009-11-08

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