warmlove's Diaryland Diary

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What doesn't kill me Kayne West's me strongerrrrr

*Cos as sure as the sun will shine/I'm gonna get my share now of what's mine/And then the harder they come, the harder they'll fall, one and all*

The last few diary ramblings have been way depressingly whingey sounding. Fuck all that. I cant help it when your really down for no reason, but I know I'm gonna feel more like myself (perky, happy-fun-like) and I do now..

I had a great evening out courtesy of my visiting Mum and Auntie Celia...We went to see that stage Jimmy Cliff music musical thing 'The Harder they come'..I haven't been out, out with my Mum when she comes up to visit London so to go see west-end Theatre with her was sooo great. (I think she felt bad cos I was really upset when I went round to Granmas the day before, I was a bit teary and I had to ask her for a wee council tax bail-out for my payment (otherwise legal charges would be brought against all residents of the 'Bow Road Techno club-home') She didn't mind but I was a little pissed off that I couldn't fend for myself and be independent with money, having to ask her for �140 quid..but she was just annoyed that I was going on about how bad I felt having to ask!

Anyway, I'm on this new long-short film which is a complete and utter fuck-up. I did turn up on the first day to be greeted with 3 familiar, friendly faces which was fun, always col to work with the nice people again. But the first day was an example of what was to come...The lighting truck had been loaded, back at the warehouse, by someone who didn't have a clue about lighting so they left out all the cables and stuff. So the van didn't arrive until about 2.15pm, a total fuck-up so only half the scenes of the day were covered. The 1st AD was totally crap, her style was like that of a wannabe nu-rave Year 4 teacher noone liked! The shoot carried on, for the first week like that (the nu-rave wannabe was fired and we had a new 1st ad everyday since then...) Plus annoying people kept asking me what a Script Supervisor did! Not a huge deal ..but, you know....go look it up or something! People in general on set, dont get the level of concentration the job requires...Its like your constantly thinking...then you realise you've missed something and your hoping noone asks you about it. But then you can have a whole day when noone calls on you for anything. But its not just waiting to be asked..its liasing with people and realising, before something becomes a problem, and sorting it ..blah, blah..I bore myself already..but I'm more sure than ever that its not the job for me..

Oh, and I have, for the past week living with a microscopic amount of money for food..I was searching under sofa cushions for 5p's to put together so I could buy 21p baked beans and bread. Stealing other peoples cheese and fishfingers from the freezer. Its funny to live with a person who makes thousands a month, and I cant do a weekly shop or pay the new gas bill. He brought a bunch of fruit to make smoothies out of (bananas, blueberries, strawberries) and I thought : 'wow, thats posh! And Expensive!! Bananas and strawberries Wow! 6 quid..I could feed myself for a week on that at Lidl!!' I've felt so HoBo the last coupla weeks! Bless my friends who have offered loans, meals and one night out (I felt well bad but tough times for lil me). Luckily im working so I can nick food from set and eat it at home. I was sat, eating mango out the tin cos that was the only food I had left and had maxed-out my overdraft....and I was getting paid late cos that idiot Production Assistant didnt send my invoice to the accounty people...and the thing that made me the most maaaaaadddd, was that she was away, filming in LA, the American part of the Nokia thing I did for disgustingly lil money..they all flew out Business class!!! hahaha..hilarious...Im there with no money and only tangy-old mango in the fridge and she's swanned off to LA, not even FWDing a simple email so I'm paid fucking late..ugh!! RANt OveR.

Its okay now, but I realise how much money I spend that I don't have to. I can't step into a TopShop for a while, though, that would be too depressing. Went out on a cool 'charity' night out with the Runners and Drivers from the film..One of them is total 19 yr old trendy Sloany-rich Kiddy, who knows nothing about working in film and stuff..(just like me a few years ago) but shes fun and so are the other guys. But at work I gotta cut myself off from the fun we were all having when nothing was getting shot in the first week, and really focus cos when you fuck-up even a little bit in your job on-set our 'award winning Norwegian Director' gets very angry and yells at you. Big Fun. I could just be like: 'Fuck fucking Continuity, noone cares, its not important I hate this job!! Its wank! GRRR!', Nah, I (kinda) joke ..I dont feel that bad, I just get on with it and do it the best I can, I only be human, I cant notice EVERYTHING! But I can imagine if i got into a career of the old Script Supervising that I would get well bitter and have real-life outbursts like the one above!!! I aint that lady..but I have a plan, worry nowt!

x

9:01 p.m. - 2008-08-14

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