warmlove's Diaryland
Diary
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Everyone you meet they're jamming in the street....Allllll Night Long!
*everybody sing/everybody dance/lose yourself in wild romance..feel it in your heart/feel it in your soul/let the music take control* That Life's too short non-bullshit is still ringing in my ears. If that is the case then I can imagine myself feeling full of happy-happy-life is full of Haribo-ey goodness...yeh, I feel that...
I think that I have to have guts for once, follow my gut/heart/general organs and oh, yeh, have a backbone...follow through with what I say I'm gonna do. Simple as that. I say I don't want to be a Continuity Lady when I grow-up (so I should stop before I'm in too deep) but I'm offered work, it pays money and I've got to pay rent so off I totter to Continuity land ... ('I dont know how you do it.', 'I couldn't ever do your job', and 'Your doing such a good job, it's such an important job' being the usual bullshit compliments...though I take them when I can, I am good at the job.) I just think to that 'In the Loop' film where the video assist guy was: 'Do you love it (Script Supervising)?' and I thought that it was such a crazy concept..it doesn't feel like a job you could ever love. It's like loving a bathroom plug! Or cleaning under your bed! When I say I don't want to do it or I say that I'd love to do something else, people are like 'Why are you a Script Supervisor?' like you choose your job...I guess I did choose it, but without knowing exactly what it entailed. It's not a big deal...I think if I went back to the one thing I have loved doing the most over the course of my life so far and tried to turn that into a job: Acting, Drama, theatre (though before I'd worked in film I looked down at Theatre a bit and saw film as 'better'...I was 18, what did I know) then I'd hate that or be struck by the terrifying reality that I HAVE No ACTING TALENT....though I don't believe that.
The only thing is, as much as I have always loved performing, I'm not a great dancer, or a great singer or great at accents or impressions...what is left? Maybe creating a believable character, and expressing a range of emotions.. surely thats acting...whatever, to think and discuss is pointless, doing is what needs to happen. Lord, the last two entries have been totally wanky me-me-me problems, tears and issues!! It is a diary but....sheesh!!
Went out last Saturday (Big German Bernie's houseparty Fri night..he has the lushest balcony flat..Steveo was so wasted, he could barely walk and kept talking about the Devil's vagina!! Ew..in the end he stumbled out of the party, which was in the Isle of Dogs and started to walk the 7 miles back to Bow, but being totally wasted he had no idea where he was going and ended up calling his ex-girlfriend who lives in Leeds and she googlemapped where he possibly was ('thereshh a biiiig bussshh, andafensh and along,long,long *buurrrrp* rrroooad...I luvyouyouuknoooethaa yoouyouuknooowthashhhhh???')and directed him on and off down the phone for 4 hours until he got home at 6am!! Me, other housemate and his girlfriend (who I cant decide if I properly like yet or not..she has some over-simplistic opinions on things, which is one thing that can slightly annoy me about people..everything's fucking COMPLICATED!!! ALRIGHT!!!!! Maybe I dont trust people who are nice to me..she has harsh opinions on other girls attractiveness but I think mainly when she's pissed, so that's alright. I just hate when people call other people ugly and slag them off for that excessively cos its like 'who are you to judge..ugly is so harsh, everyones beautiful in some way..who cares if someone doesn't look like Kate Moss in 1991..whatever! Anyway me and the 2 lovebirds got a taxi back (thats when i was pissed off cos i got paranoid that housemate/girlfriend was conspiring house arrangement things behind my back! Crazy..thats what a 78 hour, disgustingly paid 5-day week'll do to youu then running straight to a houseparty..or maybe i cant blame exhaustion..I'm just a paranoid, un-chilled-out type these days! Whatever..that'll change as of...duhdah...now!! Fuckit...Anyway yeh Saturday i had a split night out..started in Camden..meeting up with Andrew, Anna and Mark and there mates (one of em is working on loaded-housemates TV show ...coincidenceness! And at the Bernie-party the night before another runner fm loaded housemates' tv show was there and i knew her from a week on 'Spooks'.and she became gossip that night by snogging some 'superior' from the set she shouldn't have..but thats not my TV show, so its not my gossip...and plus I dont really care..tho shes the girl who's looks housemates gfriend was really harsh about in the cab on the way home..I stuck up for her tho!! I mean the girl went to a party in a navy hoodie and no make-up! Course she didn't stand a chance ! HAhha...ANYWAY...after Camden I went to Camises' bday party on Bricklane which was very reggae-dub-dancey-goodness..but as soon as i walked up to the bar to get a drink, I was swarmed on by middle aged (dub-loving hehe)foot-fetishists!! Ew, one, dressed in a flat cap and black leather, one of them goes: 'Oooh, girl, I like your shoes..MmmmHmmmm, show them to me.' Being the Londontown Magnet of Weird I just said something about Him being able to borrow them if he wanted but they're size 7 so they prob wont fit you..he read that as me implying that he might be gay so he saw fit to clarify that he only liked them on womens feet cos he was a fetishist of foot. Ew
Anyway, after all the footsie fun, and we had been kicked outta Vibe Bar we headed accross town to a 24hr diner called 'Tinseltown' but we were lead by Camise's mate: a giant (bless him) over-confident chump with an upside-down A-Z the WRONG WAY down Bricklane, all the way to WHitechapel so we had to loop back round. By this time my beautiful (worthy of fetish) feet, inside beautiful white (think Kate Nash-y) heels were falling off and I had to resort to the unforgivable Saturday-night Sin of walking barefoot through most of EC1..but by the time I had confronted map boy and have him claim that,after over an hour of group (fun as it was) walking, we had been walking for only 20 mins and that 2 squares (2 FUCKING MILES...SCALE MAP, IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND!!!??GRRRR)on the map meant another 20 mins walking. So, barefooted I ran accross the road hoping to hail a cab..there was one on there side of the road first so I yelled for them to flag it down and me, Camise's fabulously, bitchy-camp brother and the girls jumped in..leaving the map boys (macho and determined to'get 'the feeling of achievment' by finishing it on foot!) I was more keen (at 3am) on 'the feeling of chocolate milkshake' in my belly. x
1:32 a.m. - 2008-07-25
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