warmlove's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Guilt..thy name is moi *baby you've got a man/but i've got other plans* My head has been muchly confused with all this back-and-forth unsettled-ness...We had the fab wrap party for the film which was great but a kinda seedyish feeling night (not just cos of the slightly dodg' Old Street-'ACKney location) The drunken dancing photos are all over everyones facebook - I only look semi wasted..ish.(why did I join that bloody thing..the amount of hours you waste on it poking and fake tickling people and leaving innane 'how ya doing tiger?' messages!!)I had eaten loads so being sick fortunately was not on the cards. A bunch of us dressed up like 'real girls' in dresses and heels - I wore huge white heels that I'd bought and I did have a moment of weakness when I went barefoot then flip flops for about half a hour...but a couple of the actresses who had kept their equally big shoes on all night reinspired me and I bravely fought through the pain with the aid of Monsiuer LaBooze. Anyway, the dude (boom dude)whos house I'd stayed round on the Saturday who 'tried it on' so to speak was saying to my make-up artist buddy that I'd stayed round and that nothing happened and make-up girlie gave him a look as to say 'yeh, right' (i'd filed her in on the dodgy-ness of Saturday night)and told him that he should talk to me because I was upset about it! I wasn't at all...just suprised... eVEN weirder...the next morning we said our bye byes and I walked with camera dude to bus stop. He was sweetly hungover and got very huggy, huggy (not like him really)..I swear he almost did that thing of hugging with one arm and going to make eye contact to perhaps move-in for a kiss!!! Just a vibe I got...I kept thinking : he probably thinks I had sex with a guy with a serious long-time girlfriend in THEIR bed, in THEIR flat..evil!!! To add to the slag-factor...the next days wrap party rumour was that I'd left with camera guy (true) and that we'd 'got it on'(so untrue)...everyone was searching for juicey stories, so I suppose it was concocted cos of that... After all that and the whole emotions of the 4 week crazy, crazy shoot (which I loved and would happily do for anotheer fourteen weeks!) I had to come back to earth and face back-to-full-miserable-time at The evil 'Mill pub' uggggghhhhh....It was unbearable at first.,...I'd forgotten everyones personalities in a way, it'd felt so long...everyones left and everyones depressed cos its soooo shit!!! My head was pretty confused by this sudden change from London to ickle Salisbury and shitty job and I couldn't quite put it into words..grrr..I must move out of home (my Mum is starting to threaten to kick my sisters out cos things can get pretty heated and tense and argumentative in our casa) soon, no! more than soon! even if it means 'jumping into scary shark tank' so to speak and with the risk of ending up in an evvvil Debenhams deja vu place...I talk the talk about all this stuff but I'm worried that I'll never get off my arse and walk the slightly drunken walk to London and being a proper person..non 'overgrown 22yrold kid living at home'. Deep breath...I can do it... x 11:33 p.m. - 2007-07-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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